Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Alien3 Review

First of all, who was in charge of naming this movie? And how do you even pronounce it? Is it actually "Alien Cubed?" Could be worse, I guess. They could have called it "Ali3n." Anyway, in 1992, someone had the bright idea of making a sequel to two perfect films. Maybe I've already given away how I feel about this movie... but still click on to see my detailed thoughts on the third installment of the sc-fi franchise. Note that this review will contain spoilers.

Some time after the events of Aliens, the shuttle that Ripley
(Sigourney Weaver), Hicks, Newt, and Bishop escaped in crashes onto a planet near a prison. The inmates rescue Ripley, but it's too late for the others. And when an Alien stowaway begins reeking havoc in the prison, we have... a movie. 

Okay, first of all, what? Aliens had become a story of hope. Of facing your fears living to fight another day. This film sucks all the life out of the franchise in the first five minutes by killing off the characters we'd come to care for for no good reason at all. And that's one of the biggest problems with this film. It's very existence is insulting to the people who'd come to love this franchise. 

So... David Fincher directed this film. You know, the guy that would go on to direct Fight Club, Se7en and Gone Girl? Yeah, that David Fincher. I have no idea what happened there. This was his first feature film, so maybe that has something to do with it, but those films proved he knows how to direct a tense scene like no other. And this movie has next to no tense scenes. The direction is pretty terrible overall. And that's a real shame.

It's also not at all scary. It relies on gore and buckets of blood to get a reaction out of you, not the suspense and tension the series is known for. 

Believe it or not, there were a couple things I liked about this movie. Mostly the performances. I feel like Sigourney Weaver kinda sleepwalked through the second half. Her performance starts off quite good. And you can really tell how distraught she is over the loss of her friends. Everyone was actually pretty good. Even if the script didn't allow for them to do very much.

There's also one tunnel sequence that's actually halfway decent. We see from the point of view of the Alien for parts of it, and that's a neat idea, but it never fully lives up to that potential. It's also not nearly as tense as it should be, even if it is halfway entertaining. 

And that's pretty much where the good stuff ends. The script is terrible, for one thing. The dialogue is just a whole lot of nothing. It doesn't develop the characters or advance the story in an interesting way. More than anything, it's just boring exposition that drags on and on and on. And all I wanted was for the Alien to kill people. Not only that, but some lines were just laughable. Where the previous films were filled with quotable and fascinating dialogue, this one's so cringe worthy it's ridiculous. 

When it finally does kill people, though, that's also nothing worth mentioning. You don't care about the characters, and the CGI is simply laughable. Those penguins that danced with Mary Poppins looked more realistic than the Alien did, at parts. 

For those of you who know my reviews, this is usually where I talk about the characters. But there aren't any worth mentioning. Except for Ripley, I guess, but she's just a shadow of her former character. They just try to make her seem tough without giving her any real depth. A few moments with her don't even make any sense. When she wakes up, basically the first thing she does is bang this doctor. And... why? What purpose does this serve? Suddenly Ripley wants to sleep around? This honestly just contradicts what we know of her so far, and if it's to make us care about the guy in question when he dies, well, it doesn't. Ripley doesn't even seem to care. Geez, this film is such a piece of trash. 

Like I mentioned earlier, this film is SO BORING. Nothing really happens in this movie. Nothing develops or is memorable, and it's just painful to get through. At least the boring parts in the first one actually went to further the story. Also, I feel like Fincher just removed everything that was interesting about the Alien aesthetic and just made this movie... dark. The aesthetic used to be so unique and strange, and now it's just boring. 

Alright, let's talk about that ending. Which was probably the biggest insult of all. We find out that Ripley has an Alien inside her, so at the end, she dives into a lava pit. But not before it bursts out of chest on the way down. ... ... ... 

Sorry, zoned out there for a second. Anyway, WHO THE HELL MADE THIS DECISION? As I said earlier, Alien had become a story about Ripley. A hopeful story about facing your greatest fear and winning. Then this film sucks all the hope out of it and ends with her losing to her greatest fear instead. Because... something something it's a brave decision? It just comes across as insulting to everyone who had come to love Ripley in the previous two films. Both in the way she was portrayed and the way it ended. It was just another terrible decision. 

As I said in my Aliens review, this might as well be fan fiction as far as I'm concerned. And I don't plan on watching this film ever again, to be honest. While it does have a few good performances and a couple good scenes, Alien Cubed is ultimately a dull, witless, horribly written sci-fi film that's plagued by terrible story decisions and disposes of everything we loved about the franchise up to this point. It's just painful to watch. 

Final Score: 1/5

Alright, I made it through that. Have you guys seen Alien3? If you haven't don't, but if you have, tell me what you think of it in the comments below. Is it as terrible as I think or am I underselling it? Let me know, and I'll see you next time, right here at ComicBookMovieNerd.com. 

1 comment:

  1. Just wanted to point out that since writing this review, I watched the Assembly Cut and realized that Fincher isn't really responsible for the lackluster direction in the film. Instead, it all boils down to studio interference and a lack of trust in Fincher on the part of the studio.The Assembly Cut is certainly an improvement, but it fails to solve some of the core problems of this film. I should have done more research on this before I posted my full review, and I apologize.